Earlier this year I was on a business trip in Chicago and had dinner with a few friends who I have not seen in a long while. Our conversation circled around catching up on life and upcoming opportunities. We reminisced over past challenges and laughed over our shared hardships. One friend shared a story of working in a foreign country and learning how to adapt and succeed in this new environment. Another friend shared a story about a difficult supervisor who made his workday unbearable at times. It’s interesting how we share stories of challenges. In fact, the stories that create a long-lasting impression on you are often the ones filled with intriguing conflict. A challenge to be solved and a resolution that resonates. This is where pain partners with gratitude.

Be Grateful for Adversity

I often tell people that the only thing that grows when you’re comfortable is your waist. Think about all the challenges you have faced in your past. Those painful situations, heartbreak, late nights, lost sleep, sore muscles…congratulations, you are still here. You overcame many and you are most likely still persevering through others. For every challenge you faced, you grew. You didn’t think it was possible to get through it, yet here you are. How would you handle that challenge if you faced it again? Would you feel more confident now than compared to before? Would you be able to help others through a similar challenge? A life without challenges is a life not well-lived. As written in the Bible in James 1:2-4, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” Be grateful for adversity for it advances you to fulfillment.

Seek Challenges

Rory Vaden’s book Take the Stairs: 7 Steps to Achieving True Success focuses on cultivating discipline, overcoming procrastination, and embracing personal responsibility to achieve long-term success. He discusses the “Paradox Principle” which describes how success often requires doing things that are difficult in the short term to achieve long-term rewards. People must embrace temporary discomfort and resist the temptation of instant gratification. When I teach emotional intelligence to students, we review this topic under impulse control. I describe the example of how people often hit the snooze button on their alarm. We break the promise to ourself and lose the first battle of the day to seek comfort rather than pain. This small broken promise erodes belief in oneself and sets us at an immediate mental disadvantage. As Rory states “pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.” The suffering we experience in regret can often be avoided by choosing disciple and harnessing that pain for progress. Seek challenges and don’t avoid necessary pain. We grow and mature through these hardships. Be grateful for those opportunities.

Invite Others

Your challenges give you the ability to share your strength with others. However, you don’t need to wait until it’s over to share your story. Give others the opportunity to partner with you. Challenges are best shared with others as it builds communities, strengthens your network and creates lasting bonds. Additionally, others may be able to help you along the way. Are you training for a marathon? Run with a partner. Positioning yourself for a promotion? Lean on your mentor group or hire a coach. Grieving the loss of a loved one? Seek support from a group or your church. For example, her book Option B, Sheryl Sandberg discusses how sharing struggles requires vulnerability, but it’s through vulnerability that authentic relationships are formed. By opening up about pain or challenges, people give others permission to do the same, fostering a sense of mutual understanding and connection. Brené Brown dives further into this in her book Daring Greatly where she describes how vulnerability helps overcome shame and build resilience which leads to building authentic connections. Your challenges are valuable and can be shared to strengthen you and others.

Pair Gratitude with Pain

The next time you find yourself in a painful situation, I invite you to find ways to be grateful. How did you feel the last time you overcame a challenge? How would you feel if you “won” this challenge? Who is able to help you now? When I find myself in a stressful situation, I pause, assess the situation, and quickly reflect on the opportunity in front of me. This helps bring down my stress and position myself in a position of power and action, rather than fear and inaction. If you reframe the challenge with a grateful mindset, you may find greater hope in confidence that you can overcome it.

I believe great leaders do this frequently, because I take note of it during coaching sessions. So find ways to be grateful in the face of adversity. You just may find excitement in your next challenge.